Today was alright, given that I had to sleep most of it to avoid the horrific migraine that still is not gone despite taking two rounds of medication. I don’t have anything to really write about really, I just need to do it so I don’t fall out of the habit for months at a time again.
I went over to Mrs. CJ’s today, and when I got there her husband and my mom were already there. They were setting up her new hospital bed mattress. I didn’t take into account how strongly I would be affected emotionally by seeing someone in that state. She got so emotional when it was time for her to go from the wheel chair back into bed because she was afraid of falling, even though her husband would never let that happen. I just wanted to crawl into her head sweep away all her fears. I helped adjust her pillows and got her a drink and her heating pad all situated, then cleaned up the kitchen from dinner the night before. The main objective is to keep her company in case she needs something, and to do light household things so that Mr. CJ doesn’t have to worry about it when he gets home from work. I told her I can even go grocery shopping for them once the car is fixed, which shouldn’t be too much longer. I also told her that I am only two apartment building away and if she needs anything else to give me a call, even if i was already there that day. She really is the sweetest lady, and she has known my mom since I was about 11 or 12. We talked about my home life and she said something very profound to me about my relationship with my 15 year old sister.
“I’m no psychiatrist, but maybe she is distant with you because you’ve been in and out of your mom’s so many times that she feels like you’ll just leave again if she gets close to you.”
That one really hit my soul and I am still currently processing that.
And on that note, I can’t really handle looking at my screen anymore so I am gonna go stare at the wall.